If u r reading this or looking at my works, then you r cool. congratulations! Here are some jokes to keep you entertained :

3 vampires walk into a bar. the 1st vampire says to the bartender "i'll have a cup of blood". the bartender gets him a cup of blood and the vampire goes and sits down at a table. the 2nd vampire says "i'll have a cup of blood too thanks" the bartender gives the vampire a cup of blood and he goes and sits with his friend. the 3rd vampire says to the bartender "i'll have a cup of warm water thenks." the bartender looks at him suspicously and gives hm the cup of water. the vampire goes and joins his friends. when his friends see what he has they ask " what the hell frank? why don't you have blood like the rest of us?" and the 3rd vampire says "i've only got time for tea". he then pulls out a used tampon...


A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"


A blonde wanted to win the lotto so she prayed to god, and she lost. Next week she prayed to god again, and she lost. The week after she prayed to god, and she lost.
She said to god, why wont you let me win? God replied, How about buying a ticket first?


Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, "Where?"

Q. A blonde is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her window seat?
A. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'lease turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme.

Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it..

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.